This Rapper is a Better Financial Advisor than Charles Schwab

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Lil’ Dicky is a rapper who’s getting big. He’s like Eminem crossed with The Lonely Island crossed with Action Bronson. If you only listen to smooth jazz, those are all famous white rappers. He just dropped a new video for his song “$ave Dat Money.”

This song contains solid financial advice. He talks through basic principles like rolling over your 401K, buying long lasting clothes, finding deals on household goods and eschewing brand name products for their generic counterparts. People aren’t saving enough money these days, and following the basic principles he outlines will get you headed in the right direction. It might not make you rich, but he provides a good framework and he’s not trying to BS anyone.

Let’s contrast that with a video released this week by Charles Schwab.

What an unhelpful pile of horse dung. That’s just a tiny click away from Nigerian scammer status. You might say “don’t be dramatic” and I would say OPEN YOUR EYES. Charles Schwab is trying to scare you out of your money in the same way as those criminals. They just do it with slick videos instead of poorly worded emails.

The video implores you to invest in their (high fee) funds because “global markets are becoming more connected” and you need something “more sophisticated.” Charles Schwab would have you believe that the steam engine was recently invented and we just entered a global economy. They’re trying to make you think that the world is a big scary place where you couldn’t possibly survive without their help. Their shameless fear mongering is made worse by the fact their “help” involves pretending that they’ve reinvented the wheel by telling you to invest in different and varied asset classes.

They are not providing new information. The markets have always been connected. You don’t need their sophisticated services, which are really just repackaged version of their same old services, because of some nebulous event that is not really happening.

And hey, I could be wrong. Maybe their new investing strategy is really great. But I’d bet you’d make more money following Lil’ Dicky: Live within your means, invest in your 401K and maybe one day you can party with half-naked girls on a yacht, just like him.


There are a lot of people who know what they’re talking about when it comes to money. Here are a few:

  • Warren Buffet. The dude is a one man investing wrecking ball. He’s been so prolific that no one even makes fun of him when he delivers corny quotes like this: “Somebody’s Sitting in the Shade Today Because Someone Planted a Tree a Long Time Ago.” He’s like the Buddha crossed with John Wooden.
Two rich men who are good at what they do.
Two rich men who are good at what they do.
  • David Bonderman graduated from Harvard Law School Magna Cum Laude. He also speaks fluent arabic, has made billions investing and once got Paul McCartney to play a private concert for his birthday. If he wanted to give me advice, I’d listen.
Questionable fashion choices from two guys with a combined net worth of one gazillion dollars.
  • Any grandma who lived through the great depression. They gritted through deplorable employment conditions and probably ate shoe leather to survive. They still take extra sugars home when they go to restaurants “just in case.” Those people are certified badasses who know how to take care of their money.


Those people are outliers who have a special knack for making, investing and saving money. On the flip side of that coin, there’s people like Timothy Sykes.

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If you see this guy, turn and run.
If you see this guy, turn and run.

He’s one of many people on the internet who claim to have made unfathomable sums of money in the stock market. And maybe he did. But, there is a crucial difference between him, Buffett, Bonderman and your grandma: the latter three aren’t plastering their annoying faces all over the internet trying to scam you out of your money. Warren Buffett would not be caught dead selling DVD’s called “Warren Raw.”

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Mr. Sykes now charges 5,500 dollars to teach people his tricks. People are starting to think he makes more off these DVD’s than actually trading stocks. I’d say that sounds about right.

The biggest clown on Youtube, Tai Lopez, is in a similar boat as Sykes.

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These glasses make me look smart, right? RIGHT?

You might recognize him from that period of time when his ad ran before every single youtube video ever. He talks about how he read a book a day and went from being dead broke to driving a Ferrari through the Hollywood Hills. He uses a white board and shitty venn diagrams to try to convince dumb people to buy his self help services.

In reality, he went from owning super corrupt dating websites to selling videos where he completely rips off other self-help books. He doesn’t have an original bone in his body and his only skill is his shameless ability to sell his soul to the devil. Listen to him at your own peril.

If you’re thinking that Timothy and Tai are unique, you’d be sadly mistaken. The internet is teeming with hucksters trying to take your money. Some have a modicum of self-respect and possibly even some real skills, like Sykes. Others are closer to Tai Lopez.  They are morally bankrupt scum who are probably planning on killing their parents so they can try to collect insurance money. There are also plenty who fall somewhere between the two, such as the people who run stock picking websites that purport to help people beat the market.

Beating the market is incredibly difficult. The smartest people in the world admit this. Warren Buffet himself says “our favorite holding period is forever.” He wouldn’t be caught dead trading penny stocks. Neither should you.

My goal is to find these get rich quick jokers and expose them. Or at the very least make fun of their haircuts and fake glasses. Someone’s got to do it.